Is it possible that our shared belief that reltionships have to be exactly equal?

could that be the reason that divorce rates are so high? When nobody is charge it’s anarchy. Every team needs a coach, every company needs a CEO. I’m not saying it has to be the man, but whoever is better at it. I think this idea that things should be 50-50 are pissing everyone off trying to live up to it.
not saying the man has to be the leader, who ever is better at it.
so much of what people believe is not thought out, they are force fed it, and have never thought about it. They are more like sheep then people. I’ll call them sheaple.

Very perceptive my friend. I agree. Ultimately there needs to be a decision maker. Equality is not synonymous with success in any area of our lives. We all submit to someone.

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15 Responses to Is it possible that our shared belief that reltionships have to be exactly equal?

  1. doodlebugjimv8 says:

    The problem is how you define ‘equal’.

    If it means ‘exactly the same’ we are in trouble because men and women are clearly different.

    If ‘equal’ means ‘different, but valued equally’ then we have good foundations for a relationship. Each person uses their different strengths and gives support regarding each other’s weaknesses.

    The real problem is that feminism invokes the first definition, but then doesn’t even honour its own part e.g. they want equality at work, but then call for positive discrimination. For example, the British government has a feminist Equality Minister, Harriet Harman, who has publicly requested employers to hire women in preference to White men if both job candidates are equally qualified :

  2. Julie M says:

    i think divorce rates are really high because people grow and change and because now divorce isn’t as stigmatized as it was many years ago. i am not among the set that believes the divorce rate is a bad thing. it’s sad when it involves children, but in all reality if my parents hated each other i’d rather live with divorce.

    and as for your other examples…companies and teams have lots of members, so they do need an organizer. when you only have 2 people..why the heck would you need a leader?References :

  3. Nathan F says:

    I don’t think one person should be in charge. If a relationship has to work, each person needs to help with what they are best at. One person usually knows better in a certain situation. But no one can know best all the time.

    But I’m sure there’s alot more to the divorce rates than just that…References :

  4. Voice of Reality says:

    I imagine the lesson of female selfishness that feminism teaches is a large cause of divorces.

    What many women fail to realize is that if they take care of the men in their life, the men will see to it that she has nothing to worry about in any sense.References :

  5. IRIS says:

    I don’t think there should be one person in charge in a marriage.
    I think they should discuss what is important to each person in the family and what each person is good at doing and go from there.
    Then flip a coin on all things they don’t like doing. :)References :

  6. urban naturalist says:

    It’s interesting that you assume everyone has the same shared beliefs as you.References :

  7. Capone says:

    Very perceptive my friend. I agree. Ultimately there needs to be a decision maker. Equality is not synonymous with success in any area of our lives. We all submit to someone.References :

  8. Joseph Black says:

    My parents are traditional. My father works, my mother stays at home and tends to the house. My father has the final say in most issues, though he lovingly discusses them with my mother before making his choice.

    They have been happily married for 29 years.

    Based on what I have seen in my life experience I would agree that marriages with a "leader" tend to be more stable.References :

  9. ?Love? says:

    1 person needs to run the checkbook. That’s 1 thing that is a must! Never ask for 2 debit cards! Let whoever is better with money handle it and give the other enough money for the week. I don’t think you need a leader or that things need to be perfectly equal. When things need to be done you do it. No one should have to say anything. Just get it done. :)References :

  10. Jessica H says:

    I think the high divorce rates are due to the fact that people are just plain confused nowadays!

    Women and men dont know where they stand anymore. This results in conflict and general unhappiness.


    I agree with Capone – equality does not result in successReferences :

  11. Fex says:

    I think people need to find what they like to be in charge of. I like to be in charge of finances for instance. In the bedroom, I prefer he takes charge most often. That’s not to say I’m submissive… ;-)References :

  12. Zelda says:

    There’s no one type of relationship that is going to suit everybody. I think some people do better in relationships where one person is the leader, and some don’t. I’m one of the ones who doesn’t. It irks me when somebody else tries to take charge, but I get resentful when that role is thrust on me.References :

  13. amandamaria1432 says:

    Hahaha @ sheaple, nice!

    I agree, I think in every relationship someone’s a *bit* more ‘equal’ than the other/s.

    For mine it was my Mamma, she and my Daddy always said it was "51/49" — seems right. They were pretty equal, but Mamma sorta had the final word on lots of things. She was a stay at home Mom, so I think lots of things just made more sense for her to have more say on since it affected her more.

    Like my Daddy didn’t want pets, but finally after she made it clear for WEEKS she truly wanted one, we did get a dog.

    Same for the 54 other pets we had over the years…now he loves dogs though, so I guess it balanced out <3 haha

    For myself, my boyfriend’s the ‘leader’, so I’d be at 49% instead of 50, and that’s perfectly fine with me.

    We tend to go by what my parents did, which was whoever felt most strongly about something would ‘win’. The other would compromise because it’d be less of a sacrifice for them since they weren’t as strongly invested.

    Tough call some times, but you make it work =o)References :

  14. Louise C says:

    I feel that there are probably couples for whom equality works perfectly well. I personally though have found that we are happier and get along better with my husband in charge. Also I find this very much more emotionally satisfying. 50/50 is, to me, very boring.References :

  15. Layla says:

    Even if a couple has a 79:21 marriage with her being the 21 the marriage will works just so as long as they believe in their marriage; and, each other. Most important of all, they MUST LISTEN to each other; once you let others interfere; you’re done for.
    They must believe in the unity of their marriage, and keep a handhold on that "knot" with all of their might. How do you think we’ve been married for 24 years; I held on to that knot and so did he; and we fully believe in the unity of our marriage..References :

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